urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:luamonroe luamonroe luamonroe 2006-09-06T01:08:22Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:luamonroe:15882 2006-09-06T01:08:22Z 2006-09-06T01:08:22Z All I want to do is work and earn money and save it.<br />And sleep. And when I am good and ready,<br />after I've lost weight and grown out my hair;<br />after I've gotten my life semi straightened out,<br />then I want to fall in love for real,<br />I want to FEEL IT, I want it to hurt, I want it to burn inside of me<br />the way it did, once.<br />Once before.<br />Drugs are just clocks lately; they help me to pass the time.<br />Friends are few and far between, oh god how I miss some of them,<br />some of them I will never let them leave me, <br />and some are gone forever. I wonder where they are, who they are,<br />and I hope no matter what the answers to those questions are<br />that they are happy.<br /><br /><br />I miss my family. I miss my parents.<br />A year from now, I won't be this girl anymore.<br />I will be a happy adult. Please oh please,<br />I need to make something, ANYTHING of myself,<br />so when people ask me what I've been up to I have exciting answers.<br />I want to be a good girl.<br />I want to be a good girl.<br /><br /><br />I lose friends, I neglect friends,<br />Friends become accquaintences,<br />I don't see anyone unless I see them by chance,<br />I choose to live this way, I do.<br />Where are you old familiar faces?<br />Pretty boys and pretty girls, I've let you go.<br />I let them go. I did. Goodbye.<br /><br /><br /><br />Terrified to make the same mistakes twice;<br />after work tomorrow I am going to try to get a library card<br />and will take out books and read in my spare time,<br />my knowledge is stagnant my vocabulary lacks,<br />I am not as educated or as smart or well read as I'd like to be,<br />I could talk to a stranger about a book or politics,<br />or songs or music, I want to be interesting,<br />I want strangers to find me interesting with stories I'd tell them.<br /><br /><br />I don't lie anymore, either, <br />it makes life harder, I promise.<br />I went back to NJ and again focused on Memphis,<br />I wish I had seen more people,<br />spent more time with the people I did see;<br />regret is an anchor.<br /><br /><br /><br />Now, I let others speak.<br />I listen. I act interested.<br />I hold open doors and I always say please and thank you<br />Because right now, for right now, that's the most I can do.<br />Adventure, love, tragedy, something, anything, nothing....<br />I am wanting craving needing yearning to LIVE again.<br />One day, someday, I'm being smarter this time around,<br />I promise.